I am a loner and sometimes just need alone time to think, dream, write.... In fact, when I don’t get time alone, I tend to become a tad moody and dramatic. ☺ Okay, a little more than a tad. I also have a writer’s soul. The writing doesn’t just happen on paper. Actually, a lot of my “writing” doesn’t ever make it past my brain. After a month and more recent struggling with the same issue, this “brain rambling” is finally making it to the paper…

About a month ago, I was driving around trying to get my mind off of a situation that has been frustrating me. God and I were doing some serious wrestling that night (and by the way, He always wins). Some of the phrases that kept popping into my mind were “it’s not fair,” “I don’t understand,” “why don’t they just appreciate me?” Then I was stopped in my tracks.

JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Someone was trying to get my attention. Just who DO I think I am? Why do I think I deserve anything? God, of course, had an answer for all of my thoughts…

• “IT’S NOT FAIR that my Son had to die on the cross so that you DON’T get what you deserve.”
• “I DON’T UNDERSTAND why you don’t just see the love I have for you and quit worrying about pleasing people.”
• “I APPRECIATE YOU and THAT should be all that matters. Besides, when are you going to appreciate the free gift I have given you? When are you going to appreciate the family that I have put in your care?”

If we take a long look at ourselves, we will find that we are all guilty of selfish motives and desires. Pastor Dan Berry of Cornerstone Family Church in Des Moines, IA, said the following: “A lot of people live their lives doing what they believe God wants them to do… the way they want to do it.” I’m so guilty of this. 

Do I love what I do? YES! 

Do I sometimes do it for the wrong reasons? YES! 

Do I sometimes try to do it the way I think it should be done without checking with my Boss first? ABSOLUTELY!

It all comes down to the condition of our hearts. We must examine ourselves daily to make sure that our thoughts, feelings, motives, and actions are lining up with the Word of God. We all have a God-shaped void in our lives, which we constantly try to fill with the things (and people) we THINK will make us… happy, fulfilled, content… whatever word you want to use.

The daily question to myself and to anyone else who may be struggling with this kind of thing is this: Why do we do the things we do for Christ? Is it for the appreciation and the applause of men? And added to that… if we (I am definitely speaking to myself here) are obsessing about how “man” treats us, we are putting our focus in the wrong place. And by the way, when we focus on ourselves, we also tend to make things a LOT worse in our minds than they actually are!!

For a new start to 2010, let's get our focus on the ONE who loves us unconditionally and the ONE who has a reason for wanting our desires and motives to line up with His!

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” – John 3:30

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