Oh, the joy of Starbucks...

I'm sitting here at my favorite place to relax, just enjoying some "me time". It's amazing how a $4 cup of coffee and my computer can give me the feeling of so much freedom, as if there aren't dishes to wash, laundry to take care of, and mouths to feed.

I have always been a loner, even venturing to take short trips by myself. There is a feeling of deprivation if I don't get at least a couple of hours to myself each week. :) But how does this time need to be spent? It's different every time. Sometimes I write, sometimes I spend time with God, sometimes I read and sometimes I just like to enjoy the time with my coffee.

We all need a "mommy break" sometimes. I believe it helps us to become better mommies, because we are able to break away for a while and see what we really have waiting for us at home. It helps me to appreciate the fact that God has blessed me immensely, and my precious family deserves the best that I can give them.

As is becoming a tradition in my household, tonight we planned to do our Christmas baking... fudge, pumpkin chocolate chip muffins, chocolate mint squares, sugar cookies, and snowball cookies... Sounds like a big fun mess, huh? Well, tonight ended up in a bigger mess than just some powdered sugar on the floor and food coloring spilled on the counter.

It's time for healing; time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything
I surrender...

to whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life; something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life; something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to fix up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out...

-Sanctus Real


Music is so much a part of me that sometimes it takes a lyric from a song to really get my attention. This song tells where I am right now... Life is chaos, but there is a peace knowing that God is up to something. No matter how far you may have moved from the Lord, it's time for a MILESTONE, time to begin again, reevaluate who you REALLY are IN HIM!

I just found out that a close friend of mine from college died last year.

Kellie was actually my roommate during my sophomore year at ECU. We lost touch over the years, but I remember her as an amazing person, one of those who always has a way of making you smile. Dance was a true passion of hers and she literally seemed to dance through life.

So many thoughts have run through my head… how God brings people in and out of our lives during different seasons… how we must live each day to the fullest… how we must tell our friends and family how much we love them every chance we get… how I want to leave a legacy of love… added to all of this, I have been questioning how I am living my own life... dancing or just existing…

We must cherish every day. We must cherish those who have been brought into our lives. Though most are with us for only a season, each one helps to form who we become. Kellie definitely influenced my life in many positive ways, and that is how I want to be remembered…

How will you be remembered...

Sometimes, you will find me writing about what a particular song has meant to me in a day. So many songs have and continue to speak to me everyday… why not share?

Casting Crowns has a song for just about anything you may go through in life. Stained Glass Masquerade is one that my friends and I lovingly call "the plastic people song." In thinking about the words, I make a mess of it myself. Here is the chorus to this incredibly true song:

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Doing life together should be about sharing with each other. Someone said to me just the other day, “it’s good to hear it from someone who has been there…” People don’t want or need to see perfection; they need to see REAL people with REAL problems.

Think about it… if the world only sees people who look perfect, and they see themselves as imperfect, what does that tell them? It’s only when we are transparent with each other that God can really reach in and begin to work in our lives.