Today, my friend Marni gave me the opportunity to guest post on her blog... about a subject that I am very passionate about. Read the intro here and then jump over to her blog for the rest. :)

Welcome to Tune-In Tuesday! If this is your first time visiting on a Tuesday, I hope you will find this as a place to worship together. Each week, I share about a song that God is using in my life. One that is speaking to me in whatever season I may be going through. The invitation is for you to jump in and do it, too! Here are the steps:

1. Pick a song that is especially meaningful for you at this time in your life and write about it. Really think about the lyrics… and let them change you.
2. Link up here using the linky tool at the bottom of this post. Use the name of your song as the title of your link. (If you haven’t done this before, feel free to email me with questions.) If you don't have a blog, you can leave a comment sharing your song. ***Please use the permalink to your post, not your blog's main site. Because of the specialized nature of this weekly series, any links that are not specifically for Tune-In Tuesday will be deleted.***
3. Visit other people’s blogs and worship with them.
4. Spread the word. Grab the button in the left column and add it to your post. That way, others can link up, as well. Tweet about it… Try to get others in on the conversation.
5. And the main thing… worship! :) 

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My song for today is Fall Apart by Josh Wilson. LOVE this song. Press play below to listen and then read on for lyrics and some thoughts.

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

And it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then    

How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

My whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when
You will find me when I fall apart

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Over the last several months, I have gone through a pretty significant spiritual battle. Significant life changes. Depression. Anger. Bitterness. Frustration. Hurt. Feelings of rejection in every area of my life. Heartbreaking feelings of being nudged out of some areas very dear to my heart that I was once involved in heavily. Selfishness.

It could have been a simple fix, if I had just let go and trusted. But my heartbreak didn’t bring me back to Him. Instead of drawing closer to Jesus and to those who love me, I withdrew. Went into hiding for a while. So He held me down a little longer.

Most of you probably had no idea. Most of you saw my Sunday face.

Thankfully, I can tell you that I’m starting to come out of it. I’m actually seeing the reasoning behind it all. Sometimes God has to strip us of all of the things that cause pride and ego in our lives. Often, that is the only way to get our complete attention.

And sometimes it takes breaking our hearts. But after the breaking, He is also there… just waiting for us to hand over the pieces to Him.

This song speaks to me so much. We can’t just praise Him in the good times. We have to praise Him and cling to Him in the hard times, too. And maybe, just maybe, we will find the breaking to be the "best thing that's ever happened to us."

I’m so grateful that He will find me when I fall apart.

If you haven't read about my beach worship moment with my son, I hope you will read it here: A Beach Baby's Worship. Moments like this have helped my healing.

Welcome to Tune-In Tuesday! If this is your first time visiting on a Tuesday, I hope you will find this as a place to worship together. Here is an explanation of what we do:

Each week, I share about a song that God is using in my life. One that is speaking to me in whatever season I may be going through. The invitation is for you to jump in and do it, too! Here are the steps:


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My song this week is Strong Enough by Matthew West. Play the video and listen while you read below.

This song has spoken to me quite a bit lately. At times, life seems overwhelming. Motherhood is a challenge. Life change is a challenge. Depression is a challenge. Strongholds are challenges. I can easily get wrapped up in my own little pity party… and I have for a while.

But I’m seeing light now. In which God is giving me a perspective change… really it’s more like a knock down so that the only way I can look is up. And out...

...to others who have it a lot tougher than I do  ...to others who I just need to love.

God is forcing me to notice once and for all that life on this planet is not about me. And with Him as my strength, I am strong enough to overcome anything that is in my path.

I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be; I give up…

WITHOUT God, I am weak. Defeated. But WITH Him, I am strong enough.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength… 

I. Am. Blessed.

I'm guest posting at my friend Marni's blog today! I hope you will read this little introduction and then head over to her blog for the rest of the post.
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 When Jeffrey was about a year old, he would play a game with us. We bought him a little plastic basketball set that he could play with for hours. When he first started playing with it, our sharp little boy learned quickly that all he had to do was put the little plastic ball in the little plastic hole… and Mommy, Daddy, MeMaw, or whoever else may be watching would clap loudly, cheer, and smile!

... Continue reading here: Relevant Brokenness. Then come back and leave me a comment! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

I am a mess. It's time to get real.

You know, it's easy to look fine on the outside, yet be in a bad place. When you realize (or admit to yourself) that you have been in a "slow fade" progression, you have to stop and face the music. Only God knows what is going on inside each one of us. There has been so much going on inside of me over the past few months that is far from what it should be… pretty much the opposite of the fruits of the spirit. It all comes down to an unsurrendered soul.

So, now I’m taking stock. Humbling my prideful heart. Recognizing, yet again, that the perfectionist is not perfect. Repenting. Confessing all the junk. Finding my way back to my first Love, my Creator.

For the past several months, I have been trying to fulfill something missing inside of myself instead of fulfilling what I believe God has called me to do. In a crazy mixed-up way, the very thing I thought was my “calling” turned out to be my own selfish desire… and the one I thought was my selfish desire has turned out to be where God wants me. Now here I am back where I belong...
       
           worshiping with my husband and supporting him in his ministry…   
                                                
                                      playing the guitar… singing… writing… praying.

God is good. He knows we mess up. He knows we get off track. He knows everything we think, say, and do. He still loves us… not in spite of who we are, but BECAUSE of who we are. Every struggle is a test. It is an opportunity for God to get glory because of something that only HE can accomplish THROUGH us.

So I am facing the music… literally and figuratively. Things I am called to do have been neglected because of trying to prove myself and coming up empty. The focus has been on the things and people, not on the GOD of those things and people. So I’m coming back around and surrendering this wandering soul. I’m going to give my all to Jesus. I’m going to correct the wrongs in my life. I’m going to sing. I’m going to play. I’m going to write. This is who I am… because of who He is.

“You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.” - Jeremiah 29:13

www.growwhereyoureplanted.org

I woke up Saturday morning and realized that I had been "processing" in my sleep. My heart is so passionate about some of the things God has placed into my life right now that I have trouble turning off my mind. That morning, my unconscious (and then conscious) thoughts were consumed by a project that is in the works right now. A repeating question in my head... "What are our capabilities versus what should we actually be doing?" I know I need to stop obsessing. But this reminded me of what Paul said… All is permissible but not all is beneficial. Different context, but still makes you think. Back to the basics. Keep it simple. Don’t make things so complicated that people are overwhelmed and they miss it. Keep the main thing the main thing. Don’t let the focus and the vision get lost in all the details. Simplify. What is going to keep people coming back for more of JESUS, not more of US? And THAT is what it comes down to... again... It's all about Jesus, not all about us.

Less is more.

Those three little words say so much. Less complication leads to more understanding. Less focus on "the way things have always been done" leads to more focus on Jesus. Less fulfillment of my own desires leads to more glorification of Him.

I am a loner and sometimes just need alone time to think, dream, write.... In fact, when I don’t get time alone, I tend to become a tad moody and dramatic. ☺ Okay, a little more than a tad. I also have a writer’s soul. The writing doesn’t just happen on paper. Actually, a lot of my “writing” doesn’t ever make it past my brain. After a month and more recent struggling with the same issue, this “brain rambling” is finally making it to the paper…

About a month ago, I was driving around trying to get my mind off of a situation that has been frustrating me. God and I were doing some serious wrestling that night (and by the way, He always wins). Some of the phrases that kept popping into my mind were “it’s not fair,” “I don’t understand,” “why don’t they just appreciate me?” Then I was stopped in my tracks.

JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Someone was trying to get my attention. Just who DO I think I am? Why do I think I deserve anything? God, of course, had an answer for all of my thoughts…

• “IT’S NOT FAIR that my Son had to die on the cross so that you DON’T get what you deserve.”
• “I DON’T UNDERSTAND why you don’t just see the love I have for you and quit worrying about pleasing people.”
• “I APPRECIATE YOU and THAT should be all that matters. Besides, when are you going to appreciate the free gift I have given you? When are you going to appreciate the family that I have put in your care?”

If we take a long look at ourselves, we will find that we are all guilty of selfish motives and desires. Pastor Dan Berry of Cornerstone Family Church in Des Moines, IA, said the following: “A lot of people live their lives doing what they believe God wants them to do… the way they want to do it.” I’m so guilty of this. 

Do I love what I do? YES! 

Do I sometimes do it for the wrong reasons? YES! 

Do I sometimes try to do it the way I think it should be done without checking with my Boss first? ABSOLUTELY!

It all comes down to the condition of our hearts. We must examine ourselves daily to make sure that our thoughts, feelings, motives, and actions are lining up with the Word of God. We all have a God-shaped void in our lives, which we constantly try to fill with the things (and people) we THINK will make us… happy, fulfilled, content… whatever word you want to use.

The daily question to myself and to anyone else who may be struggling with this kind of thing is this: Why do we do the things we do for Christ? Is it for the appreciation and the applause of men? And added to that… if we (I am definitely speaking to myself here) are obsessing about how “man” treats us, we are putting our focus in the wrong place. And by the way, when we focus on ourselves, we also tend to make things a LOT worse in our minds than they actually are!!

For a new start to 2010, let's get our focus on the ONE who loves us unconditionally and the ONE who has a reason for wanting our desires and motives to line up with His!

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” – John 3:30

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growwhereyoureplanted.org

I am a nut about personality tests!! Every time I come across one that I haven't taken before, I have to see what new thing I can find out about myself! :)

At Center Grove, we have a class called "PLACE". When you take it, you'll find out quite a bit about yourself, including personality type, spiritual gifts, abilities, passions, etc... everyone should take it.

My personality type is a "C"... analytical, conscientious... but I have almost as much "D" in me... drive. Basically, I am a competitive perfectionist. Does anyone else find it ironic that I am a "C-D"? :) Anyway, the combination of these 2 personality types can be good, as long as they are controlled by the Spirit. However, if they are controlled by the flesh, they can be a very dangerous thing.

As I have seen the "D" in me come out strongly over the past couple of weeks, I have sensed it controlling me more and more. The competitive drive leads me to go after something that I want... and sometimes, it comes out as wanting my way no matter what it takes.

We all have desires, and as we learned last night from Dr. Corts, we all have a "glove" that fits us perfectly. When you want something in life (maybe your "glove"), there comes a point when you have done all you can do to try to "make" it happen, and you have to just LET IT GO and let God work. If HE wants it for you, He'll make it happen! BE STILL!

This morning, I cried out to God to break me of this "selfish ambition" that I have been allowing to control me. It's not about me, it's about Him, and if something is not glorifying Him... it should not have a place in my life. My best friend asked me not long ago, "if it's not God's will, do you really want it anyway?" Hmmm...NO! I just have to remind myself of that sometimes...

What is controlling you? Are you allowing the Holy Spirit to control your "personality type"? Or are you letting selfish ambition creep in and guide your thoughts, words, and actions? I want to challenge all of us to really dig deep and check our motives BEFORE moving...

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. -Philippians 2:3

www.growwhereyoureplanted.org